On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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