I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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