i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
