so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
