I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish my penis had a tongue
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
