I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
