I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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