So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
