its not stalking. its research.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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