this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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