oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
