I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
