saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
