i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
