your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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