I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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