Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
