i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
