Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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