Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
