On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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