you told grandpa to call you daddy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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