You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
