I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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