She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize