garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
