Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize