i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
