i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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