I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
