And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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