just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
