I got chris browned last night
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
