i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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