Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
