dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
