im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
