Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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