i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
