okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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