Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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