Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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