on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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