Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
what day is it and did you see me today?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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