and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
