Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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