I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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