The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
