Jerry, you need to find god
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize