Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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