i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
