I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
