I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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