Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You peed on a flamingo?!?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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