i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
