What a fucking waste of an outfit
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
