do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
