i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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