Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hippo gnu deer
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
