I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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