cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
