All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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