yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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