Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
