Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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