dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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