if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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