last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just had sex bonerless
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize