I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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