Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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